Duffy- I’m Scared

ladysadie (via mascarah)

12:34am. Make a wish.

I don’t know why, but I’m having second thoughts about the words exchanged late last night in the moonlight and aftermath of unmentionable acts. I was “feeling honest” and have been for a while. At first I believed it to be one of the best feelings in the world. I’m careless, “reckless,” so what does it matter? Let it all hang out and if the things that are portrayed scares some, there’s 6 million other people who don’t know your name or past. I believed that if all else failed, I’d move away and make up my own past. And I was fine with this.

But as we stood in the brightness of the full-moon, I heard myself say the right thing to say. I said the things I know I should have. I finalized everything. I put a period where there should have been a semi-colon. It was a mistake; I knew this the moment I said them but I went with it in fear of losing my credibility as a person. But now I fear I’m on the brink of loss.

Me: “I guess this is farewell.”

LG: “Farewell? This is it? Our final goodbye?”

Me: “Yes. Goodbye.”

And it’s moments like this, when I have all the time in the world, I realize just how scared I am. But I can’t seem to figure out what it is I’m scared of most: losing him or losing myself in him… again.